Первая сцена
Oh, I heard there’s an asteroid or a comet or something that you don’t like the looks of. Tell me about it and then tell me why you’re telling me about it. You got 20 minutes. 20 minutes? That’s you, Doc. Go. What Dr. Mindy is trying to say is that there’s a comet headed directly towards Earth. And according to NASA’s computers, that object is going to hit the Pacific Ocean at 62 miles due west off the coast of Chi le. And then what happens? Like a tidal wave? No, it will be far more catastrophic. There will be mile-high tsunamis fanning out all across the globe. If this comet makes impact, it will have the power of a billion Hiroshima bombs. There will be magnitude 10 or 11 earthquakes. You’re breathing weird. It’s making me uncomfortable. I’m sorry, I’m just trying to articulate the science. I know, but it’s like so stressful. I like trying to like listen to what… Gravity of the situation, I’m trying to articulate it the best I can, I don’t know what… Madam President, this comet is what we call a planet killer. That is correct. Mm-hmm. So how certain is this? There’s 100% certainty of impact. Please, don’t say 100%. Can we just call it a potentially significant event? Yeah. But it isn’t potentially going to happen. It is going to happen. Exactly. 99.78% to be exact. Oh, great. Okay, so it’s not 100%. Well, scientists never like to say 100%. Call it 70%, and let’s just… Let’s move on. But it’s not even close to 70%. You cannot go around saying to people that there’s a 100% chance that they’re gonna die. You know? It’s just… Nuts. Okay, let’s bottom line this. What is this gonna cost me, you know? What’s the ask here? There are government plans in place. Um, actions we can take through NASA, drones, uh, that can be outfitted with nukes to deflect and hopefully change the orbit of this comet. We must act now. Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right. Okay, at this very moment, I say we sit tight and assess. Sit tight and assess. Let’s get some other people on this, some Ivy Leaguers. And you and I will review the NASA plans, okay? I’d greatly appreciate that. Am I to understand correctly that after all of the information you’ve received today, the decision you’re making is to sit tight and assess? I’m sorry. Who is she? Who the fuck are you? Aren’t you her son? I’m the fucking chief of staff boy with the dragon tattoo, so I’m doing fine. I hear this place is a freak show. I-I think what Ms. Dwiazki is trying to say that is that the idea of sitting tight is an extremely, extremely dangerous. Oh, oh. Oh. Thank you. One good thing happened today.
Вторая сцена
Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibioski. You’ll come on and talk about that planet you discovered.
Comet, we found a comet. They know what we’re here to talk about, right? Of course. Jack and Brie love doing science segments. Just remember, keep it light, fun. Jack and Brie love having a good time. Our last guests today have made a pretty big discovery in space. Astronomer, Dr. Randall Lindy, and PhD candidate, Ms. Kate DiBiaschia, here. Welcome to the show. Can I ask you one thing before we go any further? I just have to know this. Is there life out there? Can you tell us yes or no, final answer? We don’t have the data. But sure, in the vastness of space, why not? Yes, aliens are real. See, I knew I would like this guy. I didn’t say you owe me 50 bucks. So tell us what you found this time. I was monitoring exploding stars to help measure the expansion of the universe. And for your PhD, right? Yeah. I saw something I didn’t recognize. It was a comet. A big one. It’s headed directly at Earth. And it really likely will hit.
This sounds very, very exciting. Exploding stars, like stars actually explode. So how big is this thing? Could it, like, destroy someone’s house? Is that possible? Well, Comet Didiasky, which is what it will officially be named, is somewhere… After her, after her. Yeah. Oh, congratulations. What an honor, yeah, right? Congratulations. It’s somewhere between six and nine kilometers across, so… It’s big. It would damage the entire planet, not just a house. No. The entire planet. Okay, well, as it’s damaging, will it hit this one house in particular that’s right on the coast of New Jersey? It’s my ex-wife’s house. I need it to be hit. Can we make that happen? You and Shelly have a great relationship. No, you stop. You need to stop. I will, but in all fairness, I actually paid for the house. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Are we not being clear? We’re trying to tell you that the entire planet is about to be destroyed. Okay. Well, it’s, you know, just something we do around here. You know, we just keep the bad news light. Right, it helps the medicine go down. And speaking of medicine, tomorrow we’ve got a two part- Well, maybe the destruction of the entire planet isn’t supposed to be fun. Maybe it’s supposed to be terrifying and unsettling. Please don’t do that. And you should stay up all night, every night, crying when we’re all 100% for sure gonna fucking die!
Аудио тест