Первая сцена
That’s not the half I’m talking about. I got fish, Shrek. I envy you. Go live the life of an ogre. No worries, no responsibilities. You are free to pillage and terrorize as you please. Free? That’s a laugh. Sometimes I wish I had just one day to feel like a real ogre again. Well, why didn’t you say so? Magical transactions are my specialty. Come on. Oh, great. Next to mimes, magicians are my favorite people. Hold on. King for a month. Knight for a week. Ogre for a day. Think about it, Shrek. To be feared and hated, you’d be like, roar! And the village would be like, get away from me, it’s Shrek, I’m so scared of him. It’ll be just like the good old days, when your swamp was your castle. When the world made sense. All right, what’s the catch? Catch? No. There’s no catch. No catchings, really. I mean, there’s something, small thing, nothing. All right, I knew it. So what do you want? A day. A day. Oh, rat’s done!
Well, to make the magic work, you gotta give something to get something. In this case, you gotta give a day to get a day. Well, how about the day I met Donkey? Now there’s a day I’d like to take back. I don’t know who that is. I know! What about a day you wouldn’t even remember? Like a day when you were a baby. An innocent, mindless little baby. Take any of those days you want. Take them all for all I care. Oh, just one will do. Okay, good. A day from your childhood it is. I guess there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little time for myself. It’s just 24 tiny little hours. I’m still my own ogre. Yeah, you is. I never needed to ask for anyone’s permission before. So why start now, huh? Go on, Jack. Sign it.
Go on, Shrek. Sign it, Shrek. Just sign it. You signed it. So, tell me, what happens now? Have a nice day.
Вторая сцена
Here, let me spell it out for you. You gave me a day from your past, a day you wouldn’t even remember, a day when you were an innocent, mindless little baby. You took the day I was born. No, Shrek. You gave it to me. Where’s my family? Silly little ogre. You don’t get it, do you? You see, you were never born. You never met Fiona. Your kids don’t exist.
Третья сцена
By the way, why are you upset? I was tricked into signing something I shouldn’t have. Oh, you signed up for one of them timeshares, huh? No. I signed this. You should never sign a contract with Rumpelstiltskin. Yeah, I got that. His fine print is crafty. I know. His exit clauses are sneaky. Yeah. What did you say? I’m talking about the exit clause. Used to be you had to guess his name, but now everybody knows who Rumpelstiltskin is. Donkey, I’ve read the fine print, and there’s nothing about an exit clause in here. Well, you didn’t expect him to make it easy for you. Here, let me show you how it’s done. I didn’t spend all that time around them witches without picking up a few tricks.
Your tiny little older brain couldn’t begin to comprehend the complexity of my polygonic foldability skills. What are you doing? Hey, I can’t get my origami on unless you back off. Thank you. Okay, here’s what you got to do. You got to fold this piece here and make this little match up here and bring this corner here like this. And if you do it just right, it will show you what to do. There. Try Lou’s Bliss. Now, who’s Lou? Give me that. True love’s kiss. Hey, well, you’re gonna have to take me to dinner first. According to fairy tale law, if not fully satisfied, true love’s kiss will render this contract null and void. Donkey, you did it! Aw, look at you! If Fiona and I share true love’s kiss, I will get my life back!
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